Beating up the priest.

Last night the most surreal thing happened to me, a while back i was invited to take part in a round table discussion about religions place in todays society.

The agenda was as follows.

1 Do we need religion?

2 Young and lost, teenagers face problems without jesus.

3 Caring for our immortal soul.

I initially said no to take part in this, since its obviously tilted towards trying to justify religion, not have a real and open dialog around the topic.

A friend of mine that freed himself from religious superstition a few years ago used weeks to nag me into it, he said it was important that someone confronted this priest. (apparently ha was a lunatic even by biblical standards). Eventually i caved and accepted the invite.

(i guess the priest was planning to use me to underscore his his point of view or something)

The problem for him was, i am not that easy to subjugate, the priest i reckon was used to people quivering at his feet while he puked fire and brimstone.

Such speeches simply has no influence on me, i find them childish, ridiculous and preposterous. Often i laugh out loud when confronted with such stupidity, its simply just to stupid to take seriously.

The priest was totally perplexed when i didn’t i fold under his thunderous comedy act! I also had the audacity to argue against him. I totally ridiculed that man, simply by putting his outlandish claims into perspective.

Then suddenly after about 15 minutes of ridiculing this hateful sad individual, during a session when i exchanged the name of jesus in a quote ha had just made, suddenly things got interesting.

He said: “Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwelleth in him, and he in God”

I repeated this sentence while exchanging god with Zeus “Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the son of Zeus, Zeus dwelleth in him, and he in Zeus.

People in the audience broke out in spontaneous laughter, the priest was starting to act really strange at this point.

First he got up, pointed at me, and screamed a lot of biblical garbage (SATAN! SON OF SATAN! ladidadidda etc). It was totally absurd i laughed out loud and turned to the audience and pretended to pull an imaginary rope through my ears while making a stupid face.

The audience exploded in laughter, and then it happened the priest punched me! Smack! fist right in the face! Luckily I have been in fights countless times before and i automatically pulled out and avoided the full force of the blow.

With a big smile i said to the priest, is that your only argument? he swung again and again making big holes in the air.

During this ridiculous charade of air punches i talked to him: Hey calm down! or i will defend myself! What happened to turning the other cheek? The meek shall inherit and all that? Why don’t you do as you preach?

As i was dodging around on the podium many people in the audience where bursting with laughter, the priest finally managed to land a blow that hurt, and i reacted instinctively.

I struck him with a hard right, full force blow. It broke his nose and left him out cold.

The silence was absolute in the room, i blurted out towards the audience “is this a guy you want to take advice from? just because he claims ha can interpret a book supposedly authored by god? isnt this absurd to you? why do you believe in this utter crap?”

The majority of the people across the room bobbed their heads up and down in almost perfect unison.

I said lets go home and not waste any more time on this stupid antiquated superstition!

They all left, apart from a click of die hard religious loonies that started shouting abuse at me, strangely enough they where more interested in yelling at me than to help the priest? none of them helped him?

I sat down and made sure he was breathing and put him into a steady side position before calling an ambulance. (the loonies screaming in the background).

I was thinking about calling the police but i figured he had already suffered enough, loosing his flock and all credibility in a single afternoon. He was still unconscious when the ambulance picked him up, i felt really sorry for the guy.

What a sad confused little man he was.

Even as the ambulance pulled away the loonies where still haggling in the background, i hadn’t talked to them yet. i turned towards them and made a sudden move and stomped my foot so it made a loud bang. they all flinched pulled back and shut up, i burst out laughing i turned and walked away laughing.

Fucking morons, it really takes a special kind of idiot to be religious.


52 Responses to Beating up the priest.

  1. Ok considere it nicked, i will prepare for the repercusions from the tingy in the sky

  2. stoopidmonkee says:


    consider happyhorseshit my gift to you. no need to nick it as that might anger the skydaddy.

  3. LOL i love the Happy horseshit expression, mind if i nick it?

    You are not alone i talk to loads of people that are finally free, i think society as a whole makes it easier today than what it was just 10 years ago.

  4. stoopidmonkee says:

    greetings everyone,

    I spent the last few nights reading the dialogue between EMP, Muz, and Matt from the last year orso and enjoyed the discourse. I am proud to say that i am an aethiest but a a new athiest. My 23 year old daughter converted me. I knew as a child i did not believe the happy horshit being thrust down my throat but never could quite overcome the brainwashing of parents, church, and social peers.
    So i proceeded to carry on the brainwashing tradition. It shames me greatly that i arrogantly and stupidly taught as truth what i really had doubts about myself. Luckily for me i raised an intelligent and pragmatic daughter. NO SKYDADDY

  5. Muzolf says:

    Whats wrong with it. Well ,where do we start.

    Without the need to elabora here are the points we could bring up.

    – Its core teachings are intolerant and hateful.
    – It worships a god that makes Osama Bin Laden look like a saint.
    – People of this religion constantly attack science becouse its findings dont fit their wiews about the world and its origins that were passed to them by a bunch of barbaric goat herders.
    – It devalues human life and humans in general.
    – Its wiews encurage desctruction of the enviroment.
    – Its Sexist.
    – It has a long history of brutal opression of intellect, holy wars, wich hunts, and other attrocities.
    – It spreads lies about the past, about ancient civilisations, mostly their victims.
    – Its a monopolist religion hell bent on world domination and destruction of all other cultures and religions.
    – It claims all good things, values, ideas to itself that existed long before it was around.
    – It tries to uphold the customs and standards of barbaric people who were allready considered barbaric and stupid the time they wrote all this down.

    That would be all of it, that coems to mind. The list is no ways complete, and many points are open to debate. But i think that sums it up.

  6. mandy wendell says:

    opps! sorry! i posted my comment twice! >.<

  7. mandy wendell says:

    look guys, why are you so harsh to christianity? what’s wrong with it? am i missing something here?

  8. mandy wendell says:

    look guys, why are you so harsh to christianity? what’s wrong with? am i missing something here?

  9. Mathew Philip Mattathu says:

    Yes, I have heard too . I am not a movie buff actually and have only watched three movies in Germany at a theatre even though I have been here for 2 years. All three were seen in the last three months and it has to do with the fact that there is a theatre here that only shows English movies. I will try and get my hands on the trilogy .

    Of course, most sci fi movies are fun to watch . The same old story but still fun

  10. Muzolf says:

    Aww, but the two Star Wars trilogies are such a nice movies. Sure its only a big fragfeast, with shiny explosion and no message beyond “good beats evil”, but its enjoyable enough so that i would recommend that you go and see the original trilogy. 🙂

  11. Mathew Philip Mattathu says:

    I have only watched it in bits and pieces and that too when I was a child in Kuwait .Those kind of movies never interested me . I had watch movies like Terminator than watch Star wars though now I don’t even like movies like Terminator

  12. Muzolf says:

    Dont tell me you didnt see star wars. :O

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