The apocalypse movie? kill me now! pleace!

If there ever was a movie that could give you cancer, this is it!

I started watching this movie yesterday and it immediately became clear that there probably wasn’t enough letters in the alphabet to accurately classify this movie. I am actually a bit at a loss, its so bad i can hardly bring myself to call it a movie. Its made by something called faith films and it has a imdb rating of 1.2/10 (249 votes). The rating is way to high in my opinion.

Its so bad it could only have been made by religious nuts, the synopsis for the film begins “In this epic disaster film of faith”. I think it is safe to say that never in the history of mankind has there been a bigger breach of the commandment “though shall not lie”

I think this movie will convert more people to atheism then any other event in human history, this is stupid gone wild! Any human will after seeing this tragedy, or part of it, want to distance themselves as far as possible from this sensory insult and anything that can be even remotely associated with it, such as faith.

So where schould i begin to describe this travesty? is it the shitty special effects? the lack of a plot line, the nonsensical dialog, the horribly bad acting? the cheesy misplaced sound effects? or the continual tirade of “believe in god” quotes?

Lets start with a quick look at the the piss poor special effects, so you can get a feel for what i am talking about. They look like they are made by a teenage crack addict, and they probably are.
apocalypse-still10.jpg

I think this is supposed to be a meteor?

apocalypse-still1.jpg

Or how about this great crater, ey?

The movie starts with some kids camping and you immediately know something is wrong, its the way they talk, a bunch of people sitting around a camp fire drinking beer will not say things like “mr senior science pants” its horrible,

One of the guys gets killed in the opening scene. I would call him the lucky one he isnt in the movie long enough to be associated with it and judging by the rest of the movie this probably saved his acting career. He gets hit in the chest by a meteor. Another gets his head taken off but for some reason there is no blood? this guy will probably never act again! or at least i hope not, even though the movie has been running for just over a minute all the remaining actors have demonstrated that they cannot act! at all!

That brings me to the sound effects, the sound effects are to loud, so loud that they often drown out the dialogs, not that it matters the dialogs are crap anyway. For example, they are watching news on the tv about the meteor strike.

Girls 1: what is going on i dont understand? Girl 2: is it some terrorists setting off a bomb or something? Girl 3: its a “meatier” you guys! (what the fuck? a meatier?)

Now picture this dialog as if presented by a fift grade boy forced to read poetry out loud in front of his class, its horrible.

Talking about the actors, i think some of them are mongoloid? i know this is a low, low, low,low,low,,,,,,, budget production, but dang! Do you have to hire retards?????? that cant even speak understandable English???.
jill-ann.jpg

Does this person look normal to you, would you hire this for a lead role in your film?

Anyway the movie is about god and the end of the world and like the plot it is also nonsensical on a biblical scale! lets take the scene where they look at the house ( the crater above) while they talk, a supposed meteor crashes into a nearby town wiping it off the map, yet the two people looking at the house dont hear anything at all, there isn’t a tremor or anything. Yet they get in their car, drive around the corner and voila there it is a great gaping (looks sort of like a) crater a mile across.

Its not just the lack of sound effects that is striking, its also the sound effects that don’t fit at all, for example the retard woman and a guy sit in a car and talk (you can hardly make out the words over the sound effects) In this case it is the sound of the cars window vipers, never mind the fact that they are off and not moving at all.

Or the scene where they go out into the falling ash and the howling (sounds like a hurricane) wind somehow fails to perturb a single flake of gently falling fluff!

Another storm sound scene with lightning and all doesn’t move a single hear on the actors sculpted hair, and in the same scene as they cross over the threshold and into the house the sun shines through the window ( the same storm sounds in the background though, howling wind, thunder etc).

As you can see this movie is as contradictory and nonsensical as the bible, after 10 minutes i couldn’t watch it anymore, the novelty of complete nonsense and bad acting had worn off, luckily i didnt pay to see this movie, i downloaded it off the www.piratebay.org had i paid for it i would be forced to hurt someone.

I would be happy to face real armageddon to get the 10 minutes back that i wasted on this joke.

This film totally, totally, totally, sucks!

14 Responses to The apocalypse movie? kill me now! pleace!

  1. Meri says:

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  2. michelle says:

    OMG, i watched the whole movie today and it was horrible!! I managed to get through it all though. Horrible acting! Horrible effects! OMG.. im crying.. lo

  3. […] tyckte inte han heller, efter tio minuter av detta. Absolut en av de sämsta filmer som gjorts. Den här recensionen förklarar […]

  4. Mathew Philip Mattathu says:

    Thanks mate

  5. Mathew Philip Mattathu says:

    I want to watch this movie to see what it is all about ? Does anybody have this movie ? i do not want to pay to watch this movie .lol

  6. Welcome pastor, Thank you for your input.

    I think you are right, this is just a profiteering scheme gone horribly, horribly bad!

  7. Pastor Joe Selenski says:

    These kind of movies are not so often Christian’s trying to portray their faith, but faith exploiters, doing their best to pull one ove on a niche market. In that respect, Faith Films did a good job. The best ting about this movie is the DVD Cover, enticing one to believe the movie contents might be exciting or of some quality. It is actually an embarrasment to Christians who may wish to share their faith, (share, not demand) and it is insulting to watch by any informed Christian. Twisted, mixed up doctrine, poor quality everything, and a deceptive cover. To my athiest and agnostic friends I apologize for this exploitive film, for my family in Christ, I warn you against exploitation. Don’t fall for it, seek what is better and truthful. Pastor Joe Selesnki

  8. Skittles says:

    This review was excellent. It made up for the awefulness of the movie!
    I agree this is the worst movie I have ever seen, and that coming from a catholic!!

  9. Good luck hover! this film sucks so horribly bad its indescribable, even the hail striking the car window is blatantly fake. In stead of a continuous hail downpour it hits the window in fist sized lumps, it just sucks horribly! be prepared to gouge your eyes out.

  10. hoverfrog says:

    I’m going to have to download this now. I love terrible movies. It gives me something to throw my popcorn at.

  11. Muzolf says:

    So far, seems like a tipical Holywood cheap-ass film. These films do not have to have faith associated with them, to be unenjoyable, but it helps. And it is true, if its another marketing film for Christians, it will be overrated. Take for istance, two productions from Mel Gibson. I am not sure about the english orginial title, but it was “The signs” and “Passion”. Both films sucked. Yet if you stick a cross on a pile of junk, it becomes a hit.

    Strange enough, this works exacly the other way as standard fanboyism. People entrenched with one ida, may it be a form of art, or a tv-series, are outraged, by poor remakes of their ideals. While religious people, mostly christians, hype and praise any rubbish, as long as it reinforces their wiews in any way. It is, as if the had some sort of inferiority complex, and try to compensate it.

  12. […] Original post by escapedmentalpatient […]

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