The religion of Bob and some bird named Bambi

Religious people that use scripture as their argument are morons, are they not aware that for thousands of years man has been putting his own spin on religion and the scriptures? The bible for example doesnt contain any truths, its just a hodge podge collection of ancient fiction, that can be used as an argument for or against anything.

Anyway to illustrate this I will use the bible to support my newly founded religion.

The religion of Bob and some bird named Bambi

TROB-AS- NAB for short, TROB-AS- NAB supports polygamy (1) and just like any self respecting religion TROB-AS- NAB needs someone to look down upon in order to feel better about themselves so the followers are all gay bashers(2):

Of course the best thing about having my own religion is the ability to support deviant sexual preferences, so TROB-AS- NAB is for nymphomania (3) and water sports (4).

There is nothing that brings the people together faster than the threat of the ‘end times’ and the Second Coming. So lets choose O.J. Simpson (5) as the Messiah.

Fear has been a great tactic for keeping people in the Religion. To have fear do its magic we select the Dali Lama (6) as the Anti-Christ.

Now lets see if we can use the bible to support the quirks of the glorious TROB-AS- NAB movement.

1 POLYGAMY

Judges 8-30

And Gideon had threescore and ten sons of his body begotten- for he had many wives.

2 GAY BASHING

Leviticus 20-13

If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination- they shall surely be put to death; their blood [shall be] upon them.

3 NYMPHOMANIA

Genesis 1-22

And God blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.

3 NYMPHOMANIA

Genesis 9-1

And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.

3 NYMPHOMANIA

Genesis 28-3

And God Almighty bless thee, and make thee fruitful, and multiply thee, that thou mayest be a multitude of people.

4 WATER SPORTS

2 Kings 18-27

But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? [hath he] not [sent me] to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?

     

5 MESSIAH

O.J. Simpson

OJ Simpson was widely hated among large portion of the population. The Bible talk that Holy One will be despised by his people.

5 MESSIAH

O.J. Simpson

Isaiah 53-3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief- and we hid as it were [our] faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

5 MESSIAH

O.J. Simpson

Psalm 109-25 I became also a reproach unto them- [when] they looked upon me they shaked their heads.

5 MESSIAH

O.J. Simpson

OJ Simpson had a cut on his hand, as well as having blood on his socks, filling the prophesy in Psalm 22-16 For dogs have compassed me- the assembly of the wicked have inclosed me- they pierced my hands and my feet.

5 MESSIAH

O.J. Simpson

After the trial majority of OJ Simpsons friends abandoned him filling the prophecy of Psalm 38-11 My lovers and my friends stand aloof from my sore; and my kinsmen stand afar off.

5 MESSIAH

O.J. Simpson

It is also stated in Revelation 1-14 that the Messiah will be of African decent. “His head and [his] hairs [were] … like wool”.

6 ANTI-CHRIST

Dali Lama

Dali Lama was born on 06/06/1935. If one adds up all the digits in the year of Dali Lama’s birth (1935) 1+9+3+5 one comes up with 18. If one takes the number of the beast (666) and adds up all the digits one also comes up with 18. As well as 6th day of the 6th month.

Now you are ready to take TROB-AS- NAB to the awaiting sheep.

You may find that people may take offense to TROB-AS- NAB, so here are a few scriptures that you can quote to support your faith and criticize their lack of understanding.

Mark 16:15 ‘They may look and look but not see, and listen and listen but not understand, lest perchance they should return and be pardoned.’

Luke 2:50 But they did not understand the significance of these words.

Acts 7:25 He supposed his brethren to be aware that by him God was sending them deliverance; this, however, they did not understand.

In Mark 16:15 The Bible talks about spreading your belief with others “Go the whole world over, and proclaim the Good News to all mankind. “So if you think you have a Biblical Scripture that can support some strange practice let me know so i can add it .

Good luck and may Bob and Bambi be with you.

2 Responses to The religion of Bob and some bird named Bambi

  1. sphyrnatude says:

    OK, now who’s gonna come wipe the snorked coffee outta my keyboard?
    Love the site.

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